Thursday, January 26, 2012

I want to live...

I want to lead a crazy life. A fabulous life. A whole life of doing, making, running, flying, learning, growing, becoming. I want to live in a warehouse that serves as my studio as well. It would have huge windows, a expansive courtyard that is fenced off my twenty-foot fences topped with barbed wire. People would always wonder what happens in there. The building it self would be huge; the vertical space would be maximized with a cat-walk and strung between the cat-walks would be trapeze nets to facilitate lounging room and space for reading and pondering. My main living area would be an Air Stream trailer complete with faux yard. The rest of the specifics, such as the location of this space are yet to be determined. I haven’t seen enough of the world to make up my mind.
     I want to live on the beach in a house on stilts. I want to go spearfishing in the morning and eat fresh pineapple and coconuts. I want to go surfing whenever I want to. The house would be light blue and have an outdoor kitchen below it. I want to work at a taco stand near the house and go home in the afternoon to paint and make sculptures from driftwood and shells. I want to smell like the ocean all the time and watch my hair fade into a sun-bleached gold.
     I want to live in a chic loft in a huge city. Towering windows to let in the light and the view. Huge white walls decorated with clever art and neon signs. Well curated collections adorn the house. The austere structure of the building will be softened by mementos of travels and lush rugs and rich upholstery. A clever cat prowls about, batting at tassels and rubbing it’s face on a glass coffee table enclosing a chandelier laid on it’s side. A huge library takes up one wall. Photographs of people I love pinned on the walls. It smells like incense and a sort of indescribable crispness. There are plants hanging from the ceilings and cactus in pots on
shelves. My studio would be down the street and around the corner on top of a grocery store.
             I want to live in a restored Victorian house, it would look sort of like Pipi Longstocking’s house, and I would have a large library filled with handsome books, I would have a turtle pond in the back were goldfish also live. I would have my own Secret Garden in the back, and sprawling trees with forts built into them. There would be cats with six toes like at the Hemingway house and a river close by. I would write a lot here.  I would also own a goat that knows how to dance and a miniature donkey for the yard. There would be huge magnolia trees, lavender bushes, honey suckle vines and fruit trees galore. Watermelons out back, pumpkin patches in the fall, blackberry bushes, and bunnies. A circus tent can be erected in the yard to facilitate parties and what not. There would probably be children in this house. Likely mine.
           Mostly, I want to live in a van with a huge dog and my art supplies, cameras and notebooks. I want to go all over the nation to see what going on. I want to make myself meet people and learn about myself through them. I want to teach myself to make music again. I want to be able to peddle the little funny things I make to keep myself fed. I want to shower at truck stops and occasionally crash on new friend’s couches. I want to do my laundry in a different town every time I run out of clean socks. I want to write The Great American Novel, I want to catch the start of a movement. I want to have things to talk about, to write about, to record. I want to drive from coast to coast. I want a six hour trip to feel like snap after all the travelling I’ve done. I want To see the Red Woods and swim in mountain streams, hiking on winding trails, sleep under the stars and eat fresh fruit from roadside stands . I want to live like everyday is a music festival, and I’m the band. Singularly, a rockstar all alone, save my terrifically clever dog. I want to be a rolling stone. I’ve got a lot of wanderlust pent up in my bones.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


Elizabeth Butcher is stunning. Tussling her mid-length blond hair, she rests easily on a stool in the wing of the stage of Clyde High School's theatre. At the tender age of 17, she exudes a timeless grace and glamor of the leading ladies of a time gone by. Her striking stage presence is carried over into her everyday life, as she transcends the small town settings she was born and raised in.
          Her big blue eyes echo the ocean's depths as she speaks eloquently about her hopes and dreams of the future. Growing up in the same small town as Elizabeth, it's as though the fates brought us together. Wide-eyed dreamers, hungry for more that what our local offered us, we both found refuge in our high school's theatre program. Devoutly, in an almost religious fervor, we "walked the boards"; working towards a fabulous end goal; the likes of which still stand to be determined.
          Her struggle to maintain a cultured and polished persona is one that many a starry-eyed youth in any given small town in any part of the world can relate to. This amazingly talented, glorious creature stands at a cross-roads, waiting for a glimmer in the West Texan horizon to lead her to bright lights of an even bigger stage. In a few decades, her name may be whispered in reverence by bright young thing sitting stage-left on the very same stage she now claims as her veritable 'stomping grounds' .
           Elizabeth's name flickering on to the screens on the credits of any given A-list movie and various award show recipients lists is a hope almost tangible, but it is not without hard work and perseverance. An uphill battle lays in wait for the young aspiring actress, but with a Spartan like ferocity and an steeled and proven work-ethic, she stands a good chance of drinking in the limelight and hearing her agent scream over the phone "Baby, you made it!"  
                                        Larla Morales

Questions I Answered

  • What do you think about dreams?

I think that dreams are definately one's subcontious manifesting itself. I think that dreams are important to pay attention to.
  • Do you do well around blood? Does it make you squirmy?

I can deal with blood very easily. Like with most things, I just figure I can wash it off later...
  • What are some things that can almost always make your day better? Do you find yourself having a lot of bad days or good days?

Lately sleeping is the only thing that's been really easy or pleasurable to me, oh, that and drinking sprite. Sleep has been really hard to come by at reasonable times, though. Lately, I've been having a horrid time, but I think that's about to pass. Problems are very temporal in many senses,
  • What do you think it means to be in love?

I think 'love' can be defined many many ways...but, come to think of it, I don't really know what I think about "being in love"- I just know that when that happens, the likelyhood that you're going to get really messed up goes up around 58234908572908%. It's scary.
  • Pick a song that projects the same mood as you day or week and explain.

Unwell-Matchbox 20
I've just been having a hard time dealing with changes and 'growing up' and all that it entails. I feel pretty beat up and tired and unable to function as a 'normal' person at this point. (Ah, youth)
  • How would you describe the city you live in? How's your neighborhood?

Well, I just moved (again, as usual) and I really don't know. It's pretty cool, so far. I think it'll be a good time here, once I calm down and get a grip... I live in a dorm and it's niiiiiiiice. I am pleased at my housing.
  • How would you describe your clothing style? Is there a specific reason why you dress the way you do?

I wear a lot of black.  I tend to buy black shoes, dresses, leggings, tights, shirts, jackets etc. I don't know. I like well constructed things, with pretty harsh lines, and linear qualities (all vertical, as I'm short). I love empire-waist skirts that are a few inches above my knees to break up the rigid lines of my usual tops. I like to wear heels, but it's not practical, really. I love to mix textures, rather than colors, but if I wear colors, I stick to mostly blues, olive green and varying hues of gray. I try to make myself look put together, and as tailored as possible, but lately, I've just been looking like a wreck. I don't feel brave/sane enough to put anything together. Also, it's been too hot to think about clothes (I love to layer).
  • What bugs you most about your generation? What do you like the most about your generation?

I don't like how numb and desensitized my generation seems to be, there is nothing that is shocking or provocative enough to really hold our attention anymore. I don't really think that intellectual thought is a huge part of my generations existence.  I think that my generation is kind of antsy and some fantastic movements and changes are going to be propelled by my peers (and hopefully, myself). I like the hope that we hold.
  • What are you most attracted to in the same/opposite sex? Are you more for looks, or personality? What are you least attracted to?

I find that, regardless of gender, a quick wit and general kindness draws me to a person. I like to hang out with nice, funny people; usually, most of them are a bit 'off' in a lot of ways, but really, I enjoy their quirks and whatnot. Neurosis can be charming, in some circumstances. I don't really mind the outward appearance in general, but, hypothetically, if I was romantically attracted to someone, looks are very important to me. I don't want to pretend that a HUGE part of who I am/ what I want to be does not value aesthetics to an obsessive level. I like "pretty" boys, I've been told.
I don't like ignorance, cruelty, dismissal, belittlement, being referred to as a lesser, more diminutive person (not in size, but in presence and value), and over-all rudeness.
  • Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I will be almost 30 in 10 years...imagine that... I hope that I will be planning to be/a rather new parent with a fantastic house in a fantastic city, married to a awesome guy who does awesome stuff and I want to be able to make a significant amount of money due to my creative endeavors. Oh, and I want to have some cats and maybe a goat. Goats are cool.  <But seriously, that's heavy.
  • Do you feel protective over someone?

I most definitely do. I want to fix everyone's's a problem.
  • If you could trade places with anyone for a week, who would it be and why?

Ashley Olsen. I would trade places with her because I really respect the Olsen twins in may regards and I find Mary-Kate fascinating and it would be cool to have such a strong bond with her (as I pretend to be her sister :P) I also want to learn all about their clothing lines and and see how everything works at Dualstar.
  • What would be the hardest and most fearful thing you would have to face in your lifetime? Why does this scare you so much?

Just not living up to my potential. I get terribly self-aware at some points and see exactly how far I can go with everything I've been given and everything I've worked for up to now, and really it scares me so badly. If I don't become the best person I can become, then my presence here is...not unimportant, but rather tragic really. I don't want to be someone who "could have been"... I want to take life for all it has to give me, but sometimes I forget and sink into apathy and self-doubt. I constantly need people to remind me that I don't suck and I'm not going to die. (sigh)
  • What doe you honestly think about your looks? Do they cross your mind much?

Honestly, the way I look is almost always the first thing on my mind, as shallow as that sounds. I am always concerned with how I look and how I present myself. I have found that I have better days when I look good, so I try to facilitate that...also...I think I'm vain.... -____-
  • What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?

I hate being pushed/grabbed. I don't like to be forced around at all. It's disrespectful and unnecessary.
  • Do you believe in social classes?

To say I believe that social classes do not exist would be not only ignorant of me, but a total lie. I definitely believe social classes to exist, but I don't think that they are to be perpetuated and I think that more efforts to 'break the cycles' of many things (poverty, abuse, drug addiction, unwanted pregnancy etc.) should be  made. Though, elitism, in a way is kind of interesting and a little fun (if you’re in on the game).
  • Do you think it's better to have a few close friends or a lot of acquaintances? What do you have?

There are pro's and con's to both structures of relationships...I have a bit of both, but I prefer to have close friends because I want to know I can depend on them and they on me. It’s easier this way.

A van full of paint and friends (revised)

"Youth is fleeting..." I heard an old man say as we filled up our van with gasoline. I didn't believe him, none of us did, we felt like this would last forever; transient living as a sort of motley art-tribe in a van. Everything we owned was stuffed and packed in this hulking, windowless vehicle. It was all in the name of creation and self exploration, we had decided. A break from tradition and and a veritable "up yours" to the world our parents had tried to present to us. We lived as nomads now, culling flocks of arts-and-crafts projects to sell along the way to fuel our plight into the unknown.
We documented everything, all the emotions, ranging from delirious joy to the darkest depression, all the adventures, hiking, camping, being arrested and so on. There was no action that wasn't captured and frozen by words, photographs, painting or  sound recordings or a combination of these elements. Being around one another for weeks on end reveals so many things about others and about one's self that once went unnoticed. Learning to understand how we are perceived by other brought about such shocking self-awareness to our ranks. It was earth-shattering realization to each of us as it was revealed how much we didn't know about ourselves up until this point. As we learned about ourselves, some of the conclusions were not so delightful. Deep hostilities took root as well as numerous betrayals and fractured relationships.

Living life constantly on the move was not an easy thing to do, exhaustion and fatigue was very common amongst our number. Any place that one could rest their head soon became and acceptable sleeping place. This was just one of the prices we had to pay to be able to maintain our willful, and chaotic lifestyle, and we paid willingly. We had successfully sucked the marrow from life, draining the very blood from it's existence and forcing it to submit to our demands. Mastering the arts of transformation, quick recovery, and sincere forgiveness, we carried on even after the van broke down and some of us bought proper houses. As we grew older, our minds and spirits remained on the open road, and our youth was real again and it seems like it's here to stay.

A van full of paint and friends

A van full of paint and friends (Barnstormers' Style).
Photo equipment is packed safely away as we rattle down in the highway.
Yank cameras out to make records of the trip.
Smiling, sleeping, eating, drinking. Stopping to camp at state parks and swim in lakes, rivers and oceans.
Shutters clicking, paint flying, molds poured, jokes, laughter, tears and stories.
Music festivals, hot sun, long hair - Wild, untethered. - Tee shirts, sun screen, water bottles and contact highs.
Floating on the music. Sizzling in the Southern Heat.

Learn yourself.
I learn me.
I know me.
I never knew so much about me.

Writing letters to the person in the seat beside you.
(Never used "you" when you write, unless it's about your dreams- then, do as you please)
Tell them what they should know about themselves.

When we sleep- we sleep hard and long, on the ground, in tents, in the car, bus, van, plane, on a park bench, on your couch, in beds that belong to someone else ...
Crashing in exhaustion, dreaming of possibilities in beautiful delirium. Salivate for consciousness and lust for sleep.
Take both by storm- your state is yours.

November 13th Dream. 2011

At the beach with Kim.
Waves are calm, it is oddly warm.
I find 2 sea shells.
I want to swim, she does not. We do anyway.
Move further out- see that the “beach” is an indoor enclosure, the real ocean is outside.
The sea froths, and swirls. There is snow on the beach. The water is a deep blue.
I throw myself into the water and smile.

I am home.
A cat gets struck by a car.
I wash it’s wounds in cool water.
It’s broken ribs poke me.
I keep losing it.
It dies, and I find it cold and stiff.
I put it in a toothbrush container.
I bring it to my mother.

The Manifesto of Larla Morales (circa 2011)

The Manifesto of Larla Morales
Travel as far and as fast as you possibly can go. The whole world is ripe and waiting for exploration, you are young and able. Go every place possible.
Always be brave. Don’t dull your senses for a moment, if you can help it. You’ll need all of them at any given moment- always be ready.
Don’t be selfish, but don’t let people use you like they have in the past, you are coming into your own and this is the time that it is CRUCIAL to become independent and able to ACCEPT YOUR MIND-BLOWING POTENTIAL that is lurking within you. Let yourself be great.
    The time for action is always NOW- unless rest is required. Always find time for reorientation in life, this is key to leading a  productive and useful life, in that when exhausted, failure is eminent.
Living as though you’re going to die quiet soon, possibly within the week, keeps you on your feet. It’s good to feel alert and soak up life like a sponge.
    Be helpful and kind, even if it inconveniences you- “everyone is fighting a hard battle” and they may help you along yours in the future. Karma is a reality and it does not hesitate to come back with a vengeance.
    Love is hard concept to define, especially since I don’t know too much about it (the pleasant parts, anyway). The suffering (due to love, or the loss of it) definitely does strengthen a person to points where I didn't think possible. The millions of people out in the world are probably as clueless as I am. I hope to be open enough to shelter/find shelter in someone out there for longer than a lingering glance and awkward touch. Don’t become disparage and DON’T YOU DARE SETTLE.  Patience always.
    Don’t let people get you down. You’re far stronger than you know, (even you know that)- always stand your ground, or leave if the person is too much (Karma will push them down much farther than you ever could). Establish yourself as an individual. Step out of the shadow or everything that gets in your way. Remember that you are just as good, if not better than anyone else competing for what you want. Get what you want. (But always do this kindly. KARMA)
    Live for the future and now. Remember your actions affect your future. Nothing that happens is by chance, put yourself in the way of amazing things and hold on for your life.
Talk to people. Try. Try really really hard. Ask them questions about themselves. Find common ground, make them laugh and feel pretty. All anyone wants is to feel good. Alleviate any pains you can and SMILE MORE. Pay attention to those around you. Empathize and comfort. Be kind. Always be kind.
    Surprise people pleasantly, not enough good things happen everyday to everyone.
Eat good food. Drink good things. Feel good. Do your body right. It’s the only one you have.
Fuck gender. What’s between your legs doesn’t define anything. Just look good, stay cute and kill everything that says you’re not allowed to do something because of gender roles and all that sort of shit.